


Clandestined Occurrences

by LuckyFreckles



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bullying, Carl needs a hug, Gen, Hitchhiking, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Not between Carl/Negan, Runaway, Serial Killers, Violent Carl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13425567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyFreckles/pseuds/LuckyFreckles
Summary: People always stare because of my bandage, that’s unavoidable. But when they find out what I did they immediately take two steps back and won’t look at me the same.Seeing the bullet wound in my face that matches the one in my stomach, it’s no wonder.I really am as ugly on the inside as I am on the outside.-Having no sense of a social life and a detached father it took just one more thing for Carl Grimes to snap.Now out on his own, alone, who will cross on his path?





	1. School Daze

It started off as any other awful day.  
I didn’t think I’d end up with so much blood on my hands.

-

My phone’s alarm woke me and I started getting ready for school. Once I was dressed with my teeth totally and hair mostly brushed, I scrounged for my school supplies and shoved them in my bag. Yesterday’s homework not done and my novel for English still half damp.

Thanks, Keith.

With a sigh, I remember that Dad told me to clean up in here. My room is decent-ish.  
Most of the room being taken over by the bed and dresser, clothes on the floor, and all of Dad’s old band posters on the walls.

After a look towards Mom’s picture on my nightstand, I shrug on my bag and walk out to the hall.

Judith is always awake after me so I immediately go towards her room. Opening the door I’m greeted with a smile and grabby motions with her hands.

Some days Judy is the only thing that can make me smile.

With a grin to match hers I say,”Good morning, sleepy head.” and lift her out of her crib. I blow a raspberry on her cheek and she gives a responding shriek of laughter. 

After giving her a change and a plushie to occupy her, I walk with her in my arms downstairs to the kitchen. I use one hand to tuck in a corner of my bandage.

I see that Dad is already there leaning on the kitchen counter with his coffee. I walk around him, placing my bag onto a stool, to get to the cabinets. 

After preparing Judy’s bottle and I’m shaking it, he finally realizes I’m there and gives a belated,”Good morning.”

“Morning” I respond this shortened version reluctantly because I’m lazy and my mornings are never good.

Sometimes my Dad will be in this sort of daze when he’s stressed and left alone for too long. I would ask him about it but I don’t think he knows he does it.

“Daryl—“ he says with the roll of a stiff shoulder,”is taking you to school.”

I sigh,”Yeah, yeah.” It’s annoying never being trusted to walk by myself; but as long as it keeps me away from Keith and them I’m all for it.

Dad knows what my sigh means and responds to it,“Carl, you know I only do it ‘cause I care about you.”

“I know.”

“Any other kid would be happy to be driven to school.”

“It’s just-“, my nose scrunched up in distaste,”his truck always smells like cigarettes and then I always smell like cigarettes; and the teachers keep pulling me aside to tell me,’Say no to tobacco.’”

Dad gives me a chuckle and rubs at his clean shaven chin,”Well, as long as he doesn’t smoke while he’s driving you, you have no room to complain.”

I feel a small fist tugging at my hair and finally reach down to give Judy the bottle.

—

Dad leaves for the station as Olivia takes his place. She makes me scrambled eggs and bacon, that I can’t say no to. As well as a sandwich for lunch. She starts up her usual small talk with me and her baby talk to Judy. I think she never asks me personal questions out of pity.

I leave Judy with her once I hear Daryl hit his horn twice.

Walking down the driveway I feel the prickling of my skin as I’m surrounded by the chill autumn air.

Opening the passenger side of the truck I place my bag on the floor and close the door behind me. Pulling on my seatbelt I greet Daryl with a,”Morning.”

“Mornin’”,he replies back and starts driving.

Daryl isn’t as talkative as Olivia, which most days I’m great full for. But Daryl notices things more. All the time he spends not talking he uses observing. It can get annoying sometimes.

“Is Keith still messin’ with you?”

Daryl is the only one that’s found out about my bully and I don’t know how. I always make sure Keith isn’t following me when I leave school and it’s easy to hide the things he breaks.

“No.”, technically it’s not a lie since Keith isn’t here.

Daryl grunts,”I meant anytime recently.”

I fold my arms and fall further into my seat. 

“Don’t they have those policies at your school for this type of shit?”

“It’s fine. I’m handling it.”

“Sure as shit you are. How many of your things have you ‘accidentally’ broken?” He says sarcastically and takes a glance at me,”Don’t think I don’t notice.”

Reluctantly I reply,“It’s fine he doesn’t do anything else.”

“That doesn’t mean he won’t try ‘nd do anything else...I know people like that kid. You give ‘im any type a leeway and he’ll sink his teeth inta ‘ya.”

“I’ve already tried telling the teachers. It just makes it worse.”

“Well then just sock ‘em.”

I form a small smile,”The teachers or the kid.”

Daryl grins along with me,”The kid.”

I like how Daryl solves his problems. He just hits people and it all works out. I’ve been trying to tame my anger and not lash out on Keith because I know that my Dad would freak if I got in a fight at school. I know I can protect myself. I hate having to make myself a doormat to please my Dad.

He always wants me to give people the benefit of the doubt but I don’t think most people deserve that much.

-

We pull up to school and before I step out Daryl reminds me.

“Do you got your buzzer thing?”

I roll my eyes at the idiocy of carrying it,”Yeah, yeah.” It was Dad’s idea. Apparently after I’ve been shot twice and almost assaulted, a glorified rape whistle is the best he can get. Daryl did offer to teach me some dirty fighting as self defense, but of course Dad said no.

Daryl gives a grunt as a goodbye before driving away.

With a sigh I look up towards the hell hole I will be spending the next seven hours in.

-

As I’m grabbing my needed books out my locker I hear Keith and his goons meandering down the hall. I unconsciously tense up and hide my face further behind the locker door.

“Hey, Carl!”

Shit.

“Hey, Carl! Carl! Carl!” Keith pig hollers at me as his goons jeer alongside him. They start banging on my locker and I flinch back from the sound,”You thought I wouldn’t see you didn’t cha?” Keith sneers. His chestnut hair ridiculously big and hazel eyes twinkling with bad intentions. 

“Hey, Carl. Smile for Snapchat.”

“Tell me, Carl, what’s more depressing than the fact that you’re alive?”

“Come on dude. When are you gonna come out your fag closet?”

As they’re yelling at me and tossing me around like a hacky sack the bell for first period rings.

“Hey, twerps. Get to class.” Mr. Rhee yells and finally gets the group to scram. But not without some sarcastic,’Yes, teacher’s that leave their mouths.

As Keith’s walking away he looks over his shoulder and says,”See you later, Carl.” before turning at the corner of the hallway.

With a relieved sigh, I turn towards the only other person besides Daryl who stands up for me,”Thank you, Mr. Rhee.”

“No problem, Carl. Let me know if they do anything else.”

“Will do.” I lie as always,”See you seventh period.”

He nods before heading back into his class.

—

The school day creeps by slowly. Keith’s too dumb to be in any of my classes so that’s the only good thing. Other than that I’ve had meaningless video notes and in class essays to work through.

When the bell for lunch tolls I hold in a sigh of relief and go to switch my books out of my locker, before heading outside. 

I get to the spot behind the gym with the rusted and forgotten practice mounds and bleachers. I see the person I was looking for already seated there.

“Enid.”

She looks away from her book and glances up at me.

I slightly raise my brownbag lunch asking,”Wanna trade?”

She gives me a blink of approval before bookmarking her page and reaching for her lunch bag.

After our session of mock bartering we settle down to eat.

It’s nice sitting with her. It may be a little bit awkward due to our previous love triangle, and where Ron is now, but it’s not unbearable.

We watch the dust swirl into little devils as we sit in silence.

Enid tells me between bites of Goldfish,”I visited Ron a couple days ago.” Her voice is the same low timber but with an undercurrent of trembling hesitance. 

“Oh, you did?” I say these empty words in an effort to break the uneasy tension.

“He looks better now.”

It’s easy to talk with Enid about the things that aren’t usually easy for me to say. Due to how we’ve both dealt with equally fucked up shit; and our connection through Ron. It’s still hard admitting anything to her, but at least it all comes out sooner or later.

Enid opens her mouth to say something else but we’re interrupted by,”Hey, Carl. Don’t think you can hide your faggotry with this chick with a dick.”

Keith can mess with me all he wants, but dragging Enid into it is crossing the line. I stand up and glare at him,”Knock it off, Keith.”

“Oooooohh, shit! Little fag’s got some little balls after all!”, Keith laughs as he motions for his goons to get closer,”You’re always hiding Carl. In your locker, behind Rhee, in the truck of that trailer trash, behind your ‘friend’,” he takes one step closer with each comment,”and behind that ratty bandage.”

I clench my hands into fists as I stand my ground.

“We all know what happened during the summer. Might as well put the freak show on display.” 

Two guys dash up to me and grab my arms. I managed to elbow one of them, but end up trapped anyway. I struggle but succumb to their hold when Keith socks me in the stomach. As Keith cracks his knuckles and smirks to himself, I turn and gasp,”Enid, go”

Through the hair in my eyes I see her shakily get up before rushing away, and towards the main buildings.

“Silly, silly, Carl. We ain’t into dykes like you are.” He struts back and forth in front of me,”You know, I could have a lot of fun beating the shit out of you.” He looks at me through the corners of his eyes, hazel burning into charcoal,”But I know something better.”

Before I can comprehend his hand rushes at my face before quickly yanking it back. His hand unrooting some strands of hair and most distressing to me, my bandage.

I feel and hear a buzz in my ears. I can’t concentrate on anything. Shame and anger welling up so deeply inside of me I can barely breathe.

Fingers go to feel my exposed eye socket and I break.

The arms of the boys aren’t holding me back anymore. Yelling is white noise, screaming my encouragement.

I don’t know who’s screaming.

All I know is red

red  
Red  
RED

—

When I fully come to I’m sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair. The armed officer of the school campus is standing and starring back at me. I look to the right and see the principles office. The dean is rubbing her fingers together as the principle holds the landline to ear, face covered in sweat.

“Your son has seriously assaulted another student.”

My hands feel weird. Cold but not clammy. Sticky. Looking down my hands are splattered in red. Skin, wrinkles, nails all caked in red.


	2. My Dad’s Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever he’s working it’s with such care and concentration that you can’t help but to watch.

Watching Daryl bite his thumb, as we wait sitting under surveillance, reminds me of the first time I met him.

It was during the time I saw that Mom and Dad weren’t as happy as I thought they were.

-

I, like any regular kid, had already heard my parents fighting. But whenever they would fight they would do it behind doors and be overtly affectionate the next day.

It then became that Mom would start yelling whenever she felt necessary. She could go without stopping while she listed everything Dad was doing wrong. And Dad wouldn’t say anything to defend himself.

I was just really confused.

Mom kept going on and on and Dad wouldn’t agree or deny. He would look so guilty as mom started screaming and he would glance at me as I stood and stared.

Dad worked and still works long hours, and mom was always stay at home, so most of my time I spent with Mom. On the days where Dad had time off all he could do was sleep in.

Most times when Dad had time off Shane did too.

At first Shane came over to help with chores. Mom laughed more with Shane than she ever did with Dad. Even when doing something as simple as the dishes.

When Shane would come over he would bring with him small gifts for me and Mom, or play games with me in the yard. I started to feel closer to Shane than Dad. The only way Dad could avoid my Mom was by avoiding us both.

Mom then started going out with Shane; using the excuse that they were going grocery shopping. After a few times they brought me out with them.

We were going window shopping and got to a florist. It ended up being Carol’s flower shop but we didn’t know her at the time. Mom wanted to look and while they were shopping Shane offered to buy her a bouquet. Carol’s daughter, Sophia, was hanging out in the shop and turned to me and said,’Your Dad is nice.’

After I told her he wasn’t my dad I started to contemplate how close Mom and Shane were.

One day when Mom got in an argument with Dad again, she locked herself in the master bedroom; while Dad sat at the kitchen counter rubbing his temples. Once he collected himself he turned to me with a forced smile and asked if I wanted to go with him to the mechanic to fix his car.

I agreed due to boredom and the upsetting experience of witnessing Mom’s anger, again.

When we got there we walked into the reception building and Dad gave his information to the receptionist. As we were sitting in uncomfortable, worn plastic chairs and Dad was finishing up filling the information sheet, the mechanic who would work on his car walked in. A spark of recognition lit in his eyes and he asked hesitantly,’Daryl?’

The man who wasn’t wearing his company issue jumpsuit was unnerved at having his name announced unexpectedly. As he was biting his thumb he turned to my Dad. He recognized him too and walked up to us.

They exchanged small talk pleasantries, or rather Dad talked and Daryl grunted. He then got to introducing me. He explained that he and Daryl once worked together on a case.

Daryl looked at me with indifference but I was intrigued with how different he was to all of Dad’s other friends. All of Dad’s friends that I’ve met were always loud, talkative, and slightly arrogant. Daryl was the opposite of all of that.

As we sat in the waiting room Dad was talking on the phone with one of his friends about something I can’t remember, but I know he looked stressed out. While I was watching Daryl work on the car through the windows.

It was kinda calming just watching him. Whenever he’s working it’s with such care and concentration that you can’t help but to watch.

Once the car was fixed Dad offered to take us out for ice cream. Of course I didn’t refuse, but during our quiet moments together I couldn’t help to think of Daryl.

-

At the time I met Daryl I was finally allowed to walk home by myself. As I was walking home from school the next school day, I realized the mechanic was on my route there. Mom was still angry from before so I didn’t wanna be near her while she was irritable and cursing Dad with every breath.

I didn’t know who to side with during their arguments, or if I should have been pressured to anyway.

I just didn’t want to get stuck in the middle of it again.

So I decided to go back there. I was slightly nervous to be going there alone; but I was more nervous to go back home.

When I walked in the receptionist, her name tag reads Rosita, raised her eyebrow at me and asked,’Need somethin’, kid?’

I fiddled with the straps on by backpack,’Not really.’ I then went to sit in one of the chairs.

‘You waiting for someone?’

I shook my head and took out my homework folder from my bag.

Rosita slowly got up saying,’Be right back.’ Before exciting through the door that leads to the garage. Through the window I saw her speaking with this tall guy with red hair and beard.

They approached me and the guy asked,’Hey, kid, I’m Abraham. What’s your name?’

‘Carl’ I had replied and nervously swung my feet that couldn’t reach the floor.

‘Did you need something?’ He asks.

‘No.’ I replied as I shook my head.

Abraham glanced at Rosita and she shrugged her shoulder at him. With a sigh Abraham scratched his forehead.

Rosita jabbed him in the side,’Tell him to go home.’

‘Well, Rosita. He is a free young man of this country. Don’t question his actions.’ He stated before going back into the garage.

Rosita rolled her eyes before telling me,’Make yourself at home.’

I started my homework, every so often staring up at Daryl.

-

I continued this routine for a week. Rosita started bringing me candy and Abraham taught me classic poker and Texas hold ‘em. 

Mom didn’t notice I was gone for longer than usual due to her anger and obsession with Shane.

After a week Abraham offered to take me to see Daryl work up close. I remember being a little embarrassed too, but too curious to say no.

The smell of motor oil and new rubber assaulted my nose. 

Daryl was working on a motorcycle, looking on the underside while lying on his back. Abraham walked up to him and Daryl grunted in recognition; still working on the bike.

‘I’ve got your secret admirer for ya’

Daryl grunted in confusion and squinted up at me. I gave a feeble wave and Abraham chuckled as he ruffled my hair.

‘He’s been coming here for a week doing his homework like the good kid he is. I thought you could reward him with some private lessons.’

Daryl stood and stared me down,’What are you doing here?’

‘N-nothing.’ I dug my toe into the cement.

He looked up at Abraham,’Why the hell I gotta deal with him?’

‘Come on, Daryl.’ Abraham put his hands on my shoulders,’How could you say no to this face.’

I had but my lip and looked up at him through my lashes. It must have been convincing enough because he handed me a wrench.

-

That day when I came back home my Mom finally realized my disappearance and asked where I was. I lied and said I walk with a friend.

—

Dad walks out of the office and Daryl and I look up at him. He takes hold of my shoulder and walks us out.


	3. The Badge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Oh, Rick. I didn’t know.’

I was at my desk filing paperwork when my personal phone vibrated with an incoming call. I glanced to see if it was important and saw the caller as Carl’s school.

Putting down my pen I accept the call and raise the phone to my ear,”Hello?”

“I-is this Mr. Grimes?”

“Yes, this is him.”

“I don’t know how else to word this but...Your son has seriously assaulted another student.”

My breathing stopped. The first emotion I could recognize was confusion. This felt worse than anything that has happened or I could ever imagine. I’m usually saying this type of news to another parent; and yet I’m hearing it about my own kid.

My next thoughts are that it couldn’t have been Carl acting up. He had to have been provoked to do-whatever it is he did. He’d been doing so good in therapy, this had to have been some type of trigger for his reaction.

“Mr. Grimes?”

“Yes-yes, I’m still here.”

“Please excuse me for not mentioning this before, but I’m Principle Horvath. I would much rather we discuss this issue in person. When would be the latest for you to come?”

“I could get there right now.”

“Oh, good. That would be best considering the urgency of the event. See you then.”

“Okay, thank you for informing me, Mr. Horvath. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

Hanging up the phone, I rub a palm over my mouth and let out a tremulous breath.

I shut down my computer and exit the room heading towards Philip’s office. I lightly knock on the open door frame and he looks up at me from his work. He immediately sets it down and asks,”Did something happen, Rick?”

“My-my boy he might go to juvi to be honest.”

“Say no more, you can go.”

“Thank you.” Barely remembering that I’m still in uniform I get in my patrol car, since it’s closest, and drive.

—

As I pull up I already see an ambulance leaving and another patrol car parked in front.

As I park and step out I hear,“You came for nothing man, we already got it co...-vered.”

Looking up I see Shane’s shocked face.

“Rick.”

“Shane.” I reply.

“Your station isn’t near here.”

“I know.”

“Oh, Rick. I didn’t know.” Shane tugs at his hair, face fallen and grim.

As I walk past I grip his shoulder before lingering and letting my hand fall, walking away.

Heading in the halls are mostly barren since class is in session. I quickly find the main office and see Carl sat in front of an office. Two armed officers flanking his sides. The gleam of metal shines from his wrists. Blood there’s so much blood.

Blood oxidizing on his hands. Blood splattered across his cheek. Blood staining his clothes.

As much as I want it to be, I know it’s not his. The cuffs on him prove it. 

As I walk up to him one officer speaks up,”You here to relieve one of us?”

“No.”

Mr. Horvath rushes out at the sound of my voice,”Oh, great. You’re here. Please come in.”

Not wanting to provoke another officer into action, I hold in the urge to touch Carl. Though I do look at him. I take note that his bandage is gone. In his eye I see fear. 

That’s good. It means he has guilt. He’s seen me...go violent. But it hasn’t influenced his morality; which is good.

The principle closes the door behind me. In the room I see two boys, Glenn, another officer, and Enid.

“While you were arriving,” The Mr. Horvath begins,”we were piecing together the story of what happened. The two boys are witnesses, and Enid went to find a teacher.”

Glenn slightly stood forward,”I’m just that and I’m here to support Carl.”

I nod at him in appreciation and the officer clears his throat.

“From our understanding an altercation occurred which then led to Enid going for assistance and the boys witnessing the assault.”

My brows furrow in confusion,”This couldn’t have been a fight.”

As the officer stands up straighter to tell me other wise, Enid speaks up.

“Keith and his group were bullying Carl, again.” The boys tense up as she says this.

Before I can ask about the bullying Glenn adds on,”I’ve witnessed it outside of this event, in the halls and around campus. Name calling, destroying property, sometimes getting physical with Carl.”

I push back the guilt that I didn’t know of any of it and focus on the now.

“Alright, what happened exactly?”

The shorter boy of the two, turns to me,”Well obviously the weirdo went psycho on Keith!”

Holding in my anger I turn to Enid,”Was Carl alone at first?”

She shook her head,”No. We were eating lunch together at our regular spot.”

“And then?”

“Keith came over with them,” she pointed at the pair,”and started making fun of us. Carl told them to knock it off and Keith told his minions to jump Carl.”

The taller boy snarled,”Bitch, don’t think you can-“

“Do you really,” I place a hand near my python,”want to use that type of language?”

He shuts his mouth but continues to glare at Enid.

“Then what?” I prompt her to continue.

“They grabbed Carl and Keith punched him in the gut. Carl told me to go so I did. When I came back with Mr. Rhee...”

I nod my head at her and turn towards the officer hesitant to ask,”What were Keith’s injuries?”

He clears his throat before stating,”Major concussion, two inch laceration in his scalp, cracked bone of his left eye socket.”

I let out a worn breath of my soul.

Why didn’t I know of any of this? It was stressing Carl to the point that he saw violence as his only option. Where have I been as a father?

Maybe Lori was right all along...

I reluctantly turn to the boys,”When Enid left what happened?”

The shorter one rolled his eyes,”Like I said he-“ He started pointing at the door and I cut him off there.

“Are you going to stop going into your dramatics and tell me what I’m asking?” I internally grimace on having to use my son as a threat,”Or will I need to bring Carl in to jog your memory?”

The taller boy snarls while the shorter one makes an audible gulp.

“Keith told you both to pin Carl and he punched him, yes or no?”

The taller grumbles a ‘yes’.

“Then what?”

“Carl went-“ the shorter cuts himself off,”did what he did.”

“There has to be something that provoked him.”

The shorter looks puzzled while the taller says,”His bandage.”

“What bandage?” The officer asks.

“The one he always wears on his eye, or what’s left of it.” He continues with a shrug.

“That’s definitely one of his triggers.” Glenn adds and anxiously rubs at his neck.

“Triggers?” The officer questions.

I answer before anyone else can,”Carl has PTSD.”

“And they let him into campus when he’s this violent?”

Glenn counter argues,”Carl has been dealing with them for weeks and hasn’t done anything to harm anyone. There’s been a line that everyone has been aware of and they voluntarily crossed it. No one knew how Carl would react to that type of stress because no one was insensitive enough to do that until now.”

“It’s alright Glenn.” I tell him with a nod,”Now that we know Keith voluntarily and intentionally built all this up for weeks, this is a different story.”

He huffs through his nose but nods back.

“Oh, dear.” Mr. Horvath takes in a deep breath and sits back heavily into his chair,”Maybe it was a good idea to skip on the ‘no tolerance’ policy.”

“But,” Enid speaks up,”we don’t know Carl’s side.”

Just as she finishes speaking I hear the officers outside shouting and a woman shrieking to be let through.

I quickly make for the door and open it to see what’s happening. The woman is being pushed back by one officer while her husband is being handled by the other. There’s so much going on I can’t tell who’s saying what and what’s being said.

The woman only has seething eyes for Carl and the man manages to push past in order to spit on him.

That’s when I’ve had enough.

“HEY!” I shout before pushing two fingers into my mouth and whistling for attention. Everyone in the building quiets except for the harsh breathing of the couple,”You just assaulted a minor in front of two officers and a sheriff of law. What do you have to say for yourself?”

The woman bares her teeth,”You really think some spit is worse than what that Monster did to my son?!”

“I would really hold my tongue if I were you.” Mr. Horvath interjects before stepping back out of direct sight.

“What?!” The woman screams as she looks towards all the occupants of the room,”Are you all really that scared to admit there’s some psycho wanna be Columbine killer among us!?”

“Ma’am.” I raise one hand,”You will need to calm yourself now or these officers will escort you out.”

“Calm myself. Calm Myself! This FUCKING PSYCHO- HEY. Let go of me!” The woman tries to scratch the officer as he takes her arms behind her and pushes her forward. The same is done to the husband.

I immediately go to Carl as he’s whiping his face with his flannel sleeve. Mixing saliva with the dried blood on his face.

“Carl.” I squat down in front of him and hold his still shackled arms. I take my key off my belt and unlock him. As I’m rubbing the phantom feeling out of his newly freed wrists, I look up at his face. His eyes are watering and red.

“I’m a freak.” He utters these first words with a cracking voice.

“Carl.” I try to soothe him; keeping my own breaking voice at bay.

“I’m a freak!” He repeats as a tear streams down his face.

I take him into my arms and he clings to the back of my uniform. My shoulders soak his pain as I shelter him like a hand shelters a quivering flame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought over Carl’s response for a while. In the apocalypse he seemed to self justify his violence as necessary for survival. This type of action has no place in civilized society, which is reflected through the difficulties in justification. Which then outcasts him further. It seemed fitting that he feels it so deeply; since he is already sensitive.


	4. Road Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is why I took them with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy more backstory.

When my phone goes off it’s on vibrate and clangs against the keys in my pocket. It startled me to almost bump my head against the open hood I’m under. Backing out from above the engine I take out my phone and see Rick calling.

I press call and give a grunt in greeting.

“Hey, Daryl. Do you think you can come to the station?”

“What for?” 

“Carl he...hurt a boy. He was scared and he hurt a boy. I have to file it officially at the station. Can you come to stay with him?”

Questions are running through my head faster than I can ask them. I know I’m gonna see Rick soon so I hold them in,”I’ll ask.”

“Thank you, Daryl.”

“Yeah.” I hang up and slip my phone back in my pocket as I walk over to Abraham.

“Can I leave?”

“I dunno. Is your car done?” He asks as he wipes the grime from his hands.

“No.”

He furrows his brows at me,”Why do you need ‘ta leave?”

“Somethin’ happened with Carl. Rick wants me to watch him.”

“Can’t he drop him off here.”

“...It sounded like Carl might be in trouble with the law.”

“Oh! Well, does he need anything? Rosita can grab his spare things from the lockers.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Rosita!” Abraham calls her over and she walks in from the waiting room,”Get Carl’s things. Daryl is going over to him.”

-

With a Nike nap sack in hand I head towards my bike. Unlocking the seat I put the bag inside before re locking it placing my helmet on. I haven’t always used a helmet but Rick was nagging me to use one. 

When Carl was younger he put all his damn Pooky-man stickers on it. Some of them came off but most of them stuck.

I can remember taking Carl on secret rides when he asked or I was asked to watch ‘im.

When I first met Carl he annoyed me. But I liked teaching him about cars since I could just silently teach. As I was forced to bond with him I started to like him more. And I’m now completely invested in those two kids.

Remembering how stressed Rick sounded I start to wonder what had happened.

The worst things always seem to happen to Carl.

Just like in our first camping trip.

—

Walking through that forrest I could feel the leaves under neath my feet as I heard smaller steps following behind me. At the time I could see why Rick wanted to go hunting with me again, but not why he wanted to bring his kid. He was a scrawny, nosey little shit. And I agreed to let him come...

Meeting Rick again I saw how he was stressed and needed something to take his mind off things. When I had mentioned that I was going on a small hunting trip Rick asked if he could go and I said,

‘I dunno. Do you know how to pitch a tent, Sheriff Friendly?’

He rolled his eyes and gave a good natured shove at my shoulder.

We had decided that I would pick up Rick and drive us to my usual hunting area.

The day we’d leave I drove up to his house in my truck and hit my horn twice to let him know ‘I’m here’.

I saw him walk out with not only his bags but his kid too.

He opened the passenger door and said,’Hey.’ Looking over his shoulder at the kid and motioning for him to pass over his bag,’Do we put these in the back or?’

‘You’re not bringing that are you?’ I point to the kid.

‘Aw, Daryl come on.’ Rick smiled,’Carl always wants me to take him camping and I haven’t had the time until now.’

I look back at the kid and see him pouting with his Bambi eyes.

‘Quit it and get the hell in the truck!’

Carl smiled in glee and climbed in to buckle up in the middle seat.

Rick rolls his eyes and sets the bag in the truck bed before getting in.

-

As we were driving Carl would talk with Rick or ask me small questions about the forest. It was alright...at first.

Carl started fidgeting. I though it was just him being bored of sitting but he wouldn’t stop.

I quickly glanced at him,’Do you gotta piss or somethin’?’

‘Uuuhh.’

‘Carl.’ Rick sighed,’I told you to go before we left.’

‘I didn’t have to go when we left.’

And people wondered why I found children so complicated. 

‘Daryl, is there anything nearby?’

‘No. Just the farm lands. I can find a place to pull over.’

Carl scrunched up his nose in distaste,’I gotta pee on the side of the road?’

‘In the forest, not in the street.’ Rick corrected.

I pulled over into the dirt sides and Rick stepped out with Carl behind him.

As they walked away I could hear Carl say,’I thought peeing in public was illegal.’

-

Bathroom problems behind us, as we continue to drive Carl falls asleep with his head lolled onto Rick’s arm.

With a glance towards the two of them I saw Rick looking down at Carl with a soft smile. His arm wrapped around him, a hand carding through his hair.

This is why I took them with me.

So they could have small moments together when they actually are together. And not have it be Carl sitting bored out his little mind as his daddy is rubbing his temples from stress.

When we pull up to the spot, Carl is still dead to the world.

Turning the engine off and taking the key out the ignition, I open my door as Rick gently whispered Carl awake. He gave an annoyed groan and covered his face. With a sigh but a smile on his face, I saw Rick take Carl in his arms and carry him out the car and held him as he stood at my side.

‘Maybe if we sit to rest and eat Carl will wake up more.’ Rick suggested.

While Carl just let out another grumble and tightened his arms around Rick’s neck.

Rick walked to the truck bed and took out a lunch bag from his own bag.

I unlatch the door of the truck bed and Rick sits with Carl on it. As Rick coaxes him to eat I take out and prepare my bow.

‘No gun?’ Rick asked.

‘Don’t need ‘em’’ I replied,’You feel lost without yours, Officer Friendly?’

He lightly kicks me in the shin.

-

Once Carl was given time to wake up and eat he’s jittery once again and wants to go hunting right then.

As we are walking through the forest we find a cleared spot to set up camp later. The only sounds are of distant rustling leaves and the metal tab on the zipper of Carl’s sweater.

Because of our experience in needing to stay silent, Rick and I can manage quiet steps. Since Carl was so small he had no weight to accidentally make noise.

For the first ten minuets walking through the forest Carl was in anticipation waiting to finally see me shoot my bow. After that he started walking slower but still payed attention.

Just as I was about to switch our path I see it. The creature I was tracking. A deer trotting into the open, nibbling at the greenery. I hold my hand up to still our movement.

Once Carl saw his eyes lit up. He hesitantly shifted for a closer look before turning towards Rick for permission. Rick nodded his head and Carl slowly moved closer. He looks back at us and I’m distracted by the shine in his eyes, as they squint from a smile. Once he’s five feet away the deer it stares straight at him. 

I hear the ringing in my ears before the reverberations of the shot.

Carl and the deer were immediately jolted back and onto the Forrest floor.

At first Rick and I are too shocked to go into action. When the blood started pooling out we burst into action and ran to Carl’s side.

Rick squatted down and took Carl’s slack face into his hands muttering,’No. No. No.’

I stayed standing on lookout for the mystery hunter. I’ve never encountered another hunter in this part of the woods until now. Why now and why with Carl?

I need a damn cigarette. 

-

When the other hunter finally appeared looking for his deer, he saw me with my crossbow and a bleeding Carl in Rick’s arms.

‘Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!’ His gun clattered out of his hands,’It’s-how-I-The farm! There’s-there’s a farm not too far from here! We can call an ambulance from there. I got my truck not too far from here.’

We followed him to his truck and he gunned it to the farm.

As we were pulling up he started banging on the horn. People started pouring out from the house and coming from the fields.

When Rick came out the truck with Carl in his arms the women gasped and the eldest man quickly walked forward.

The old man turned to our driver and said,’What happened, Otis?’

‘I-I was amin’ to shoot a deer and hit the boy in the process.’

‘Let’s take him inside,’ He turned back into the house,’Maggie, call 911.’

They clean out a room and let us lay Carl down. The older man introduces himself as Hershel and tells us that although he’s just a veterinarian, Otis is a volunteer medic and with their skills they could at least help the bleeding as we wait.

Rick stayed at Carl’s side holding his hand as Hershel and Otis treated the wound as best they could. The two older women bringing all the supplies asked for.

I walked out of the room and into the kitchen where Maggie was leaning on the counter and wringing her hands. A younger girl was seated at the table.

Maggie gives a meager smile my way and asks,’Would you like some coffee?’

I lean against the archway of the kitchen and give a grunt.

She moves to the cabinets to get me a mug and the other girl turns to me,’Hi, I’m Beth.’

‘Daryl.’ I said after a pause.

‘Were you guys huntin’ in the forest?’ Beth asked.

‘Yeah.’

Maggie sets the mug of coffee and jar of sugar in front of me,’How come y’all went hunting here so near to the farms?’

‘I usually go here and I’ve never come across other hunters.’

‘Oh.’

With nothing else left to say Maggie and Beth stay in silence as I sipped my coffee.

-

Once the ambulance came Carl was wheeled in and Rick left with him.

Otis offered to give me a ride to my truck. Hershel told me to keep them updated on Carl’s condition and I grunted as I got into the truck.

Once I got back into town I waited at the hospital to finally visit Carl.

Lori had been called and she didn’t care for the fear still etched on her husband’s face. She cussed him out then and there.

Walking around Lori’s tantrum I went into Carl’s room and saw him watching that damn Sponge Rob show. I sat down next to him and told him about the family at the farm, and how he needed to get better so he could go back and tell ‘em he’s fine.

—

Walking into the police station now I automatically walk towards the offices of the higher ups, trying to find Rick. Instead I see Carl curled up in his self on a plastic chair.

I gently knock him with his bag and he raises his head. His eyes are red rimmed and blood shot.

“Hi.” He says with a crackling voice. He clears his throat and sniffs before taking his bag and pulling out a hoodie. He slips it on and starts chewing on the strings.

I sit next to him and fold my arms, already starting to fidget and fight the urge to bite my nails.


	5. Spider Webbed Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I walk downstairs and when I reach the last step I see eyes in the blackened room.

Dad takes me to his patrol car. I lean my head onto the window and let my eyes unfocus. They were right all along. The reflection of my empty socket in the window reminds me of it.

**Psycho**

I look down and seeing the blood on my palms makes me shake. I try to pull my flannel sleeves over my hands. When that fails I wrap my arms around myself.

I vaguely hear Dad talking but can’t be bothered to pay attention. There’s too many lights, sounds, feelings going off at once.

Dad parks the car outside the station and I slowly get out and follow him into the building.

Eyes itch at the back of my head. The now dried blood mixing with clammy sweat to form a sludge. I don’t want to be here.

Dad sits me on a chair in front of Sheriff Blake’s office before going inside.

I hear them start talking and shift my eyes to the people in their cubicles. Most of their eyes were on me until I glanced and they all looked away.

I lean my head into my lap and create a fort with my arms.

_I’m a freak. I’m a freak and they know it._

My eyes and ears are over sensitive. I see and hear all their stares and whispers. I can’t stand it.

I can hear their conversation in the office even though they shut the door.

“Well, Rick we can file it as a self defense case; but the kid’s parents may still want to file for assault.”

“Even though we’re charging them for assault of a minor?”

“People like that think they’re always right and will never stop.”

My eyes start watering again. I just want to leave.

I feel a tap at my shoulder. I look up and see Daryl,”Hi.” I hear that my voice is croaky and clear my throat before sniffling and taking the bag from him. I pull my hoodie out so I finally have something to cover the blood since I can’t wash it off.

I pull the sleeves over my hands and start gnawing the laces out of nervous habit.

After a while I notice that Daryl started biting his nails.

Which reminded me of when I first met him.

Once I was done reminiscing, trying to distract myself from what is happening, Dad came out of Sheriff Blake’s office and guides me out of the station.

“Thank you so much for coming Daryl.” Dad says with his hands on my shoulders.

“It’s alright.”

“Do you need to go back?” I ask before hiding further in my hoodie when their eyes shifted to me.

“No.” He shakes his head,”It was a slow day.”

The adults decided to just drive to the house and settle down after everything.

—

When we get home I go straight to my room, ignoring Olivia, and strip off everything. Trying to ignore the blood.

I turn the shower almost all the way to hot and step under. I quickly scrub off all the stains and splatters; Looking up the whole time to avoid the pink water swirling down the drain.

Once I feel clean the water is already running cold and my skin is red and raw.

As I’m drying down I see the bullet wound on my stomach that matches the one on my face. I really am ugly on the outside and inside.

My therapist will probably not want me to see her anymore since I’m proven to be violent. She once told me that only prison therapists deal with violent people.

I change into a pair of sweats and my 2nd nicest hoodie since the other one is ruined. I turn off the lights and close the blinds before crawling under the covers.

Ron’s in prison right now. Well, Juvenile Hall. Does he talk to a prison therapist? With how everything is turning out it could have easily been me who’s in prison. Can what I did really be proven as self defense, or is it my connections with police that helped?

I can’t remember what exactly I did and it scares me.

One moment Keith had ripped off my bandage and then I was sitting in the office...I can remember the feeling I had after he pulled it off. It was the worst feeling I ever had...It felt like someone scooped out all I was and left me with nothing. I don’t know how else to explain it. And then when I was-it felt like I was hitting nothing. Before I felt no pain or strain but now it’s starting to settle in.

The harder I think about it the more worried I get...

But this is something to worry about. Even if it’s filed at the station as self defense I can’t go to school anymore, I can’t talk to the neighbors anymore; they’ll all know what I did, what I am.

In this dark room with all these dark realities the only source of light are the glow in the dark stars that litter the ceiling.

I remember the day I got them I wanted them up straight away. Mom hoisted me up while she stood on the bed to let me put up one of them.

Turning towards the picture of her on my night stand I wonder what she would think of all of this. This is worse then dad forgetting to put out the trash cans or him always coming late from work.

I hurt somebody. I seriously harmed somebody to the point that I can be charged for it.

My head starts swimming and my eyes start to black at the edges. I need to calm down.

I sit up and turn on my lamp. Pulling back the sheets I stand and quietly walk out of my room. 

I can hear someone in the kitchen and see the lights on downstairs. The hallway is still dark making me to assume that I’m the only one upstairs.

I shuffle to Judy’s room and quietly open the door. I see, with the help of the nightlight, her standing holding onto the railing of her crib and her favorite frog plushie.

“Hey sleepy head.” I try to force a smile but Judy must know it’s fake since she doesn’t smile back.

I walk over to her and automatically raise my hands to pick her up before stoping.

She lifts one arm up and waves at me. When I don’t pick her up she starts to fuss and glare at me.

I-I would never hurt Judy, right?...It’s hard for me to swallow but how am I sure I can control myself?

She starts to jump on her feet and huff like she’s about to cry.

Looking back over my shoulder at the door, I know that if I don’t pick her up now she’ll cry; and whoever’s down stairs will come.

Swallowing my fear I pick Judy up and hold her to my chest. She squishes the plushie between us and snuggles into my shoulder.

I place my cheek to the top of her head and find comfort in how trusting she is of me. _I won’t hurt Judy. I’ll never hurt Judith._

I press a kiss to her temple and lightly sway side to side. Once I’m calm I step silently out her room and start walking across the hall to my own.

“Did you know about the bullying?” I hear Dad ask.

Hearing his voice stops me.

“...Yeah.” Daryl replies. I hear a glass being set down on the kitchen counter.

“You didn’t tell me because?”

“You already have enough to go on about. The kid was trying to hide it anyway.”

“Why did Carl tell you but not me?”

“He didn’t tell me.”

“Then...”

“I put two and two together.” I hear Daryl’s vest crinkle like he shrugged.

“Are you trying to say something?”

“I ain’t sayin’ nothin’. I’m around him more so I notice more.”

I hear Dad sigh and he’s probably rubbing his forehead,”I called Carl’s therapist to schedule a sooner appointment.”

Daryl grunts in response.

“Daryl.”

“...Okay?” He says in confusion.

“Daryl, this is important.”

“Yeah, I know. Carl has to get the help he needs.”

“It’s not just that, Daryl. We can’t keep ignoring and walking around what Carl did. Even if it was some time of PTSD triggered episode.”

“I’ve been in bar fights before.”

“This isn’t like one of your drunken fights!” I hear the table clatter.

“Jesus, Rick. The boy is shaken up enough. Just take his phone away.”

”Getting grounded isn’t enough when you BEAT SOMEONE half to death! That boy may be permanently disfigured or have brain damage!”

There’s a pause before I hear Daryl again,”How the fuck am I suppose to know anythin’ when you haven’t told me shit!? I just have to follow along with everythin’ you say and piece together what the fuck is happening on my own!”

Hearing enough I hurry into my room and shut the door.

I ignore the now silent house I gently lay Judy in my bed before following after her.

She offers her plush frog with her small hands and searching eyes.

I smile softly at her and accept the frog before pulling her to my chest and lying on my back. I turn off the lamp I had left on and completely settle down with her.

She pats my hair as she babbles to me in the dark.

I’m just beginning to nod off when I hear the door creak open. I sit up and pull Judy closer to me.

They turn the light on and I see Daryl standing in the doorway.

Judy whines about the light and I shush her while patting her back.

“Hey, kid.” Daryl whispers.

“Hi.” I whisper back.

Daryl walks over to my bed and sits on the edge. He reaches out a hand to Judy and gently rubs at her scalp,”You havin’ a slumber party with little ass kicker?”

A small smile pulls at my cheeks,”Yeah.”

“Your dad called your therapist for an earlier appointment.”

“Oh.”

Daryl rubs at his neck, avoiding eye contact before he finally sighs and looks at me”You know your dad cares about you.”

Does he? Remembering what he said minutes before caused me to hesitate. But then I remember that even though what I did was so messed up Dad was there defending me the whole time,“Yeah.” I answer.

“He tries to do everything but you know how things are busy at the station.”

“I know.”

“So just, don’t take what he said just now as against you. He’s angry with himself.”

“...Okay.”

He lets out a breath,”Alright, well, g’night kid.” He gets up and opens the door.

“Night, Daryl.”

As he’s leaving he turns off the light and shuts the door.

Lying back down with Judy I listen out for the sounds of the house.

Daryl goes back downstairs and some time later I hear his truck leaving. I don’t hear Dad go up though.

With hesitation I get up from bed with Judy in my arms, and go into the hall. The light aren’t on upstairs nor downstairs.

I walk downstairs and when I reach the last step I see eyes in the blackened room. I freeze and when my own eyes adjust I realize it’s Dad. I let out a sigh of relief and walk towards him searching for the light switch,”Why are you sitting in the dark?” Once I flip it on I see that he’s standing at the end of the kitchen counter with one hand holding onto the tiled edge.

I look into his eyes and see that his pupils are still big like the room is still dark. He’s in that weird daze again. Is his mind blank? Each time I see him like this it confuses me even more. Walking to the fridge I open it and grab what Olivia had left for me. I then open a drawer to pull out a fork.

I pop the lid off the food container and put it in the microwave. When I hit start I look back at Dad and he still isn’t moving.

I walk in front of the counter and look at him once more.

He doesn’t know I’m here. He wouldn’t even know if I-left...

The beep of the microwave gets ignored by us both as I reflect on my current thought.

I could leave and no one would know.

Dad is in his daze, Judy is starting to fall asleep on my shoulder, and it’s gotten dark out. I could get away from here.

My heart starts to beat faster and my legs tingle.

I know why I would want to leave, it’s written on everyone’s face. I could just go somewhere else and no one would know who I am. It’s not that easy though. Dad has told me about runaways that get reported to the station all the time. The ones that are found and the ones that aren’t...Can I really think that’ll never happen to me when so much already has?

Jesus warned me about the dangers of being ‘free as the wind’ before, but I really do wanna be anywhere but here. I don’t think I could leave forever. The weight of Judy in my arms reminds me of what I would be leaving.

Just to get away from the stares and whispers. Once I feel more comfortable I can come back. It wouldn’t be that bad. It’s not like anyone really wants to deal with me right now.

I walk back to the microwave and take my dinner out. I don’t really feel like eating anymore.

If I did leave, this would be the best time to do it. With it being night and my only supervision out of commission...

Fuck it.

I walk out the kitchen and take the stairs two at a time as quietly as I can. When I get to the hall I go to Judy’s room and set her down. I place one more kiss on her head before leaving her.

Once in my room I grab my backpack and empty it of everything. I need clothes, wallet, water. I go to my closet and shove two changes of clean clothes in the bag. I start searching the room for my wallet before I realize it’s still in my pants.

I go to my bathroom and gingerly pick my wallet from out of my soiled clothes, grabbing a toothbrush, toothpaste, and left over travel soaps along the way. A glance in the mirror makes me realize that my wound is still uncovered. With all the adrenaline from today’s occurrences gone from my body, the thought of going out again with it uncovered makes me feel sick. I open the bathroom cabinet to grab the gauze and wrap my wound once more.

I walk back into my room and go to my desk. Pulling a drawer open to grab the pocket knife Daryl got for my birthday. I also remember to put on a pair of socks.

Going out my room I walk back downstairs and see Dad still in the same position.

I raid the fridge and cabinets for bottled water and snacks.

As I’m zipping up my bag what I’m doing completely sinks in and my heart starts racing again. With another glance at Dad I grab the pad of paper Olivia uses for grocery lists and the red marker off the calendar.

After writing all I could think to say, I fold it up and drop it into Dad’s shirt pocket.

I pull the strap of my bag on my shoulder and my sneakers on my feet before leaving through the front door, and into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He finally did it. Carl left.
> 
> I tried to make his actions as natural as possible. With him connecting reason after reason to justify his thinking.
> 
> This is only the beginning.


	6. Shoddy Assumptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was already the tension from my long work hours, my lack of being here for her, and the first gun shot Carl suffered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This is part 1/2 of a back-to-back upload on Feb 23***

The Greene family has always been good to us.

I’m sure if we met under different circumstances they would have still been just as kind.

After the incident they came to visit Carl in the hospital and invited us to their home once Carl was better.

Carl loved spending time on the farm and in the fields so much that they’ve always invited him back every summer since. The only time he hasn’t gone back is this summer, due to the other incident...

I’m just so ignorant to everything.

Daryl had just left and Carl and Judith are upstairs. I’m still in the kitchen and and just cleaning up and about to turn the lights off. Right as I hit the switch my eyes catch onto the picture of Lori and Carl hanging near the staircase.

Lori.

I did my best to try and make it work. Until the day Lori died all our conversations were filled with so much of her frustrations and anger. I regret all I never did each day. And now every time I mess up I hear Lori’s voice in my head.

I can remember the day our relationship truly became unsalvageable.

—

There was already the tension from my long work hours, my lack of being here for her, and the first gun shot Carl suffered. I finally had some time off and wanted to spend it with Carl since I kept messing up with him. Lori had just turned her nose up at me before kissing Carl on the cheek and wishing him a fun time. I ended up taking him go cart racing and I think that was the most fun he had in a while. He was always getting trapped between Lori and me and I just wanted to give him an escape from it all.

After the go carts we went to Denny’s for a late lunch. Once we were done I drove us back home and was confused to see Shane’s truck in the driveway. I had unconsciously voiced my confusion and Carl responded that Shane came over all the time when I was away.

Now slightly suspicious I parked in the street and let us both into the house. I could hear no one downstairs, nor see anyone in the living room or dinning room.

I quietly told Carl,’Why don’t you go into the kitchen and water that cactus Beth got you.’

‘But I already-‘

‘Just go there for now.’

‘Okay?’

With him now preoccupied I walked up the steps to the second floor, making sure to skip every step that squeaked. As I neared closer to the master bedroom I could hear muffled noises.

Just feet away from the door I heard a groan and breathless declare of,’Oh, fuck. Lori.’ Coming from my partner Shane’s mouth.

Banging the door open, as the door clashed against the wall, the view of Lori naked and on top of Shane, who was also lacking clothes, was revealed to me. They both worriedly turned to the door where I was before scrambling to cover themselves.

‘Rick, baby.’ Lori started, with fake guilt veiling her face,’This isn’t-‘

‘Quit it.’ The guise had immediately evaporated and left the real, un remorseful woman I was married to,’With how angry you’ve been I should have know you might do this...But you Shane?’

Since Lori started talking Shane had hastily been trying to pull his pants on. He looked up at me and pleaded with his eyes,’Rick-‘

‘After all the times we’ve had each other’s back while on patrol. All that talk of being brothers you use my failing marriage against Me to FUCK MY WIFE!?’ I charged at him and pulled him by the shoulders.

‘Rick stop!’ Lori growled and clawed at my back.

Shane tried to pull away, so I gripped his arm, pulled him out the room, and slammed him up against the wall. He finally stopped holding back and elbowed me in the gut. We struggled and ended up knocking a vase and tumbling halfway down the stairs.

Lori followed us through, wrapped in her soiled sheets, screaming for only me to stop. Stopped at the middle of the steps I started punching Shane in the face at an unrelenting pace. My whole vision was tinted red until-

‘DAD!’ Carl had yelled in his fearful voice.

I let go of Shane and looked down at the shaking Carl guiltily. As I stood up Lori rushed to the coughing and sputtering man on the floor, while I hesitantly walked towards my son,’Carl.’

‘What’s going on?’ His eyes flitted from me and my split knuckles, to the soon to be bruised Shane and partially clad Lori.

He doesn’t need to see this.

I rushed down the stairs and with quick thinking said,’Let’s go to Daryl’s house.’

I led Carl to the front of the house, grabbing his backpack from where he left it near the stairs, and my keys from the hook on the wall.

It was bad enough when Carl was seeing Lori scream at me. For him to see Lori, Shane,and me in this ludicrous a situation is too much.

‘Rick!’ Lori called,’Get back here you-‘

The front door slamming cut off her sentence.

-

While we were in the car Carl was uncharacteristically quiet. Clutching his bag in his lap and starring down at the dash of the car.

‘You might need to stay with Daryl for a while.’ I said to break the unease,’I’ll bring more of your stuff later.’

‘Why were you hitting Shane?’

I let out a worn sigh and sucked on my teeth as I tried to think of how to explain adultery to a child,’I was- am mad at him.’

‘Why? And why were Shane and Mom together like that?’

‘Carl...When Shane would come over what would Mom and him do?’

‘Things around the house. And go out shopping together or with me.’

I didn’t ask any further since a boy shouldn’t be asked of this about his own mother.

‘W-when we went out shopping one time a girl my age thought Shane was my dad. Is it because of how they act when together?’

I couldn’t bear to look at him,’I suppose so.’

‘People are only suppose to get that close, to where people notice, when they’re dating or married, right.’

‘Yeah.’

We continued to drive in silence after that.

-

When we got to Daryl’s place he answered the door with stained pajama pants, bleary eyed, and confused.

“Hey, Daryl. Sorry for-uh not calling. May we come in?”

He opens the door wider and steps to the side. I led Carl forward and follow behind him into the apartment.

Daryl’s apartment always smells slightly like his cigarettes and has small tools and gadgets scattered throughout.

I sit Carl down on the couch and pull Daryl with me to the kitchen. Daryl leans on the counter and crosses his arms, waiting for me to speak.

I thread my fingers through my hair and decline to beat around the bush,’I caught Lori cheating on me.’

‘Shit.’

‘With, Shane.’

His eyes widened,’Your fuckin’ patrol partner?’

I shush him for swearing with Carl so close, but nod my head yes to his question.

His attention drew to my knuckles,’You take care of it already?’

‘I guess you could say that.’ I reply as I rub my neck sheepishly,’But, Carl. He saw it all.’

Daryl glanced at where Carl was sat digging through his school bag,’So you want him to stay here?’

‘Yeah, if that’s not too much trouble.’

‘It’s fine. Kid has already been dragged in this mess too much.’

‘Thank you, Daryl.’

-

Daryl had let me leave Carl in his care while I tried to tackle my own problems.

People have always warned me against Daryl since I’ve known him. I’ve always been told I put too much trust in him.

I always ignore them because the loyalty that Daryl has had towards me and my family has disproven all their claims against him.

Although Shane called us brothers, even before the incident I’ve always felt a better connection and understanding with Daryl.

As I was struggling to come to terms with the state of my marriage, friends were urging me to go for a divorce. They all thought it fully necessary for me to finally separate since Lori had crossed a line to the point of no return.

Daryl and Maggie told me other wise though. That I should think of Carl, and how he could be taken from me even if Lori is the one at fault. In a court of law concerning divorce, the mother always has bias. As I was contemplating all of this, and sleeping at the station or Daryl’s for a few weeks, the next bomb dropped.

Lori was pregnant, and I knew it wasn’t mine.

I was back at the house looking for one of Carl’s comic book, because I couldn’t just get him another one; it had to be this specific one. But I didn’t harp on him because he was stressed enough for a kid.

As I was digging through his drawers, while sitting on his bed, I see a shadow cover me. I turned around and saw Lori. She was nervously messing with the collar of her blouse and holding something in her other hand. She held it towards me and I saw that it was a pregnancy test.

It was positive.

I looked up at her face and she gave me a nervous smile.

If I hadn’t already beat Shane I would then. I haven’t had sex with Lori in months meaning that the likely hood the baby is mine being low. It hurt for me to come to terms with it.

I looked her in the eye and said,’Tell it to the father.’ Before turning away from her and continuing to look for Carl’s comic.

She grabbed me by the shoulder, her nails biting into my shoulder in annoyance, but her smile lying otherwise,‘This is our chance. We can put all that happened away and become a family again.’

If Lori had wanted her happy family again she should have been trying to pull us back together instead of pushing us further apart. It didn’t matter to me that she ‘wanted’ to give us a chance again, Carl saw everything and if I were to get back with her it would make Carl think that cheating in a monogamous relationship is okay.

Not wanting to start another fight, and fall apart even further in front of her, I turned away again, finally seeing the comic copy he was asking for.

She huffed and tried to claw me back to her. I shoved her hand off and stood up, looking down at her; daring her to try something else. She finally took the hint and side stepped out of my way.

As I was walking away I could hear her say,’If you loved me you would stay...’

I couldn’t let her have her last word,’I love my son more that I love you.’ Before making a final turn away and leaving.

—

If Daryl, the Greene family, and everyone at the mechanics weren’t there for me during that time, I for sure wouldn’t have known what to do.

At the time Daryl had said that Lori’s Queen Bee attitude would prevent her from divorcing and going with Shane. Which was somewhat true. If she had divorced and got with Shane too soon, all the clues to what happened would be on display. But she could have had the upper hand by threatening to get full custody; though maybe my connections in the law prevented her from trying that trick.

We ended up silently agreeing that we would continue the marriage legally but not be emotionally in a relationship. During that time it felt like this strange stage of limbo. I didn’t know what we would do after the baby was born. I barely knew what to do before hand.

Carl was being juggled between babysitters, and Shane and I were still at the same station, though not patrol partners anymore. Everything was just plain awkward. It was hard to pretend to everyone who didn’t know that everything was fine.

Daryl always tells me that I blame myself too much for what Lori did. Even though Lori was the one to cheat, marriage it a two ways street. I was part of the problem as well.

With a sigh I lifted my hand off the counter top and stepped away from the counter. I reach for the light switch to turn off the lights...I thought I already switched them off? Deja vu I guess.

I go upstairs and check on Judith, seeing her sound asleep. I exit her room and look towards Carl’s. It would be best to leave him be. With heavy memories weighing me down I turn in for the night.

-

The next day I got ready for work, trying to handle Judith’s and my needs at the same time. Carl hasn’t gotten up yet.

Olivia comes and I leave Judith with her and head to the station.

Everyone is busy just as we’ve been these past few weeks. There has been a confirmed Serial Killer.

It started off about four to five weeks before. A corpse was found on the side of the road. It’s roughly estimated to be a mid 30s Caucasian male. I say estimated because he had no face. No head even. He was mutilated to the point of being unrecognizable. As the police near to the scene of the first event were contemplating whether he was hit by a semi truck, or mauled by a bear, the next body was found.

The face was mutilated just as the first. It was a Hispanic woman around her 20s. And now, just this week, the third body was found here. The victim was a Black estimated teenager.

The only thing that connects all three people are the cause of death, and type of location found, on the side of a highway.

It’s predicted that these possible killings are the work of a serial hitchhiker killer.

We collected what evidence we could, but the F.B.I. soon stepped in and took ownership over all the case files. As well as giving us instructions to call in any further evidence or victims immediately.

We all had something to do since all the files, pictures, etc need to be accounted for.

The news of the newest death worried me the most. Since the killer won’t exclude victims by age. It’s sick enough to kill people, but to kill a child...

-

As I was scrolling through the computer archives I felt and heard my phone start to vibrate. I looked down and saw that it was Olivia. I answered it, slightly wary as to what she had to say.

“Hello.”

I heard muffled fumbling and Judith babbling in the background.

“Rick-um Carl hasn’t come out his room at all today.”

Carl going recluse isn’t that worrisome. That’s how he’s coped with stress since he was a kid,“Oh, that’s okay.”

“Not just that, at lunch today I left a tray out for him. I knocked and told him I’d leave it there for him. I came back an hour later and the tray was untouched.”

“Just let him be for now. I’ll talk with him when I’m home.”

“Oh-okay.”

“Bye, Olivia.”

“...Bye.”

I hang up the call and sigh as I lean my chair back.

-

Later in the workday I had left my office when a frantic rookie was stuttering at me for help. I let him lead me to his cubical and calmly guided him through his problem on the computer; until it got too complicated and I got the tech guy to do it.

I walked back to my office and saw the screen of my phone lit up. As I picked it up I saw 15 missed calls and 5 missed texts. All from Olivia.

Oh God.

I called her back and she answer d the phone with a gasp of,”RICK!”

“Olivia, breath.” I could hear her frantic breaths and didn’t want her to pass out and hurt herself falling. It had to be bad if she was having a panic attack.

I quickly grabbed my keys as she collected herself,”Talk to me, Olivia.”

“-Carl-H-h-h” her ragged speech filled my ears as I jogged to my patrol car.

As I was buckling in she finally got a sent nice out,

“Carl’s gone!”

“What? Run me through what happened, Olivia.” I asked if her as I turned out the parking lot. I received a garbled reply of ‘laundry’ ‘wrote it’ ‘room empty’.

I spent the rest of the drive just calming her.

I got to the house and parked haphazardly on the curb. I rushed in through the front door and saw Olivia pacing with Judith in her arms.

I sat her at the kitchen table and got her to tell her story.

She was doing laundry and checking the pockets of clothes when she found a strange note. She then went to Carl’s room and found he wasn’t in there like we both believed. She rushed through each room of the house, and the yards, to find Carl and couldn’t.

I made my own search of the house and couldn’t find my son. Taking in the scene with the care of my badge; I noticed his bag, toothbrush, and wallet were missing.

I rushed back to Olivia and asked for the note.

She handed me a page from her memo pad that had been folded up.

 

‘I’ll just survive somehow.’


	7. One Plus a Dozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His salt and pepper scruff don’t hide the dimples in his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This is part 2/2 of a back-to-back upload on Feb 23***
> 
> I decided to upload these chapters together since both complement each other so much.

I let my feet take me.

I don’t really have a place in mind. I just found north and started walking.

Though, I’ve always wanted to see New York.

I smile to myself even through the cold of the night. The lights on the road barely light the few feet in front of them. Since it’s so late not many cars are out right now. I was a little wary to go hitchhiking but the setting numbness in my toes is convincing me otherwise.

I’m heading closer to the forests and with how dark it is maybe walking all the way to wherever isn’t the best of ideas.

I look behind me to see if a car is coming. There is so I hesitantly raise my thumb. They speed right past me and continue on.

For maybe an hour or two, I forgot my phone so I don’t know the time, this continued. By now my hands and feet are completely cold. I have been walking backwards on the side of the road with my thumb sticking out for way too long. I joke with myself that my hand may stay in a thumbs up forever. After a dozen cars have passed me I’m about ready to call my search for a ride a lost cause.

Teeth chattering, hands unfeeling, I turn to the next car ready for it to pass me up...it doesn’t.

The truck slows to a roll before completely stopping at my side. Shocked that one car finally stopped I slowly walk up to the passenger side. I take note that in the back of the truck a motorcycle is strapped in place. The window rolls down and I see a man in possible early to mid 40s-I gotta quit reading police reports. Makes me think like Dad...he should be looking for me soon.

Swallowing down the nerves of being a run away, I stroll right up to the window and greet the man,”Hello.” It’s hard to say anything more than that.

He smiles at me,”What’s a punk kid like you doing out so late?”

I shrugged my shivering shoulders,”Nothing much.”

He raised an eyebrow at me,”Need a ride?”

“...If you wouldn’t mind.” 

He nods his head at me and I open the door and climb into the truck. As I’m setting my bag at my feet, and putting on my seatbelt with my fumbling, numb fingers; he asks me,

“What’s your name, kid?”

Should I say my real name?

To buy time I ask back,”What’s yours?”

He chuckles and answers,”Negan.” With no last name.

If we’re just sharing firsts it should be okay,”Carl.”

“Nice to meet you, Carl” he says with a grin as he takes the car out of park and continued to drive.

I didn’t start the conversation first since I was still wary of him. I just sat there rubbing my fingers to get the feeling back in them.

After a few minutes of driving he rapped his finger tips on the wheel before breaking the silence,”So, you got any place in mind?”

“Not really.”

“‘Not really’, huh? Well I had ‘not really’ in mind too. Isn’t that a coinkydink?”

I pulled at the sleeves of my hoodie and took in the interior of his car. All leather padding with silver detailing. From the reflecting light of the truck’s headlights I can see that Negan has on a leather jacket and a red scarf. His salt and pepper scruff don’t hide the dimples in his cheeks.

“Well, Carl.” He dragged out the a in my name,”I don’t know about you but I’m fuckin’ starving. Do you mind if I drive us to somewhere to eat?”

I shake my head and avoid looking at him. I really don’t need him getting too interested in me, knowing too much about me. It only takes one phone call from my dad for each patrol in the state to be searching for me.

Negan seems alright though. He’s as curious as anyone but he hasn’t pushed me to answer.

We continue in silence and he takes an exit out the highway. Finding a nearby dinner be parks before pulling the key out the ignition and getting out. I grab my bag as I follow him in climbing out the truck. He locks it and we walk to the stairs that lead to the enternece. He holds the door open for me with a smile; and when I walk in front of him he guides me with a hand on my back to a booth near the windows. Only one other person is here and he’s sat at one of the bar stools.

A waitress walks up as we sit across from each other. She placed two menus on the counter and looked at us both with her tired face,”What can I get for you to drink.”

“Coffee, please.” Negan replies as he grabs a menu.

“Just water, please.” I reply and she leaves us to scour the menu.

“What? Not up to hot coco?” Negan asks with a smirk.

“I’m not all that hungry.” His teasings of me being a kid are a little annoying, but I can’t be on my only ride’s bad side.

As I’m looking at the options I worry about the little money I have on me. Hitchhiking can only help so much.

“Order whatever you want, I’ll pay.” He tells me and I look up at him in surprise.

“Oh, thanks.” Not many people would offer a ride to a stranger and then buy them food...Jesus was right, it’s hard to find someone truthful and trustful.

Maybe I’m thinking too far into this. It’s just one meal. And at a crappy, middle of nowhere dinner.

The waitress comes back with our drinks and takes out her notepad,”What can I get you two?”

Negan orders first,”I’d like the ‘Morning Sunrise’.”

“How would you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled.”

“And for you, dear?” She turned to me.

“Chocolate chip waffles.” I reply and hear Negan chuckle.

“And for your side?”

“Hash browns and bacon.”

“Coming right up.” She collects our menus and walks to the kitchen.

Negan turns back to me and I can see him eyeing my bandage,”So, Carl. Been on the road long?”

“Uh, depends on how long long is.”

His eyes crinkled in a smile,”You in school?”

I take a moment to think if I should tell him what grade I am when I realize I don’t need to. I smile and say,”No.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, glancing at my bag before glancing back at me,”You, with your school bag and baby face, are not in school?”

I continue to smile,”Yeah I’m not in school.”

His eyes squint at me before he rolls his eyes and asks,”What grade of school are you currently taking?”

He already calls me kid, and probably already assumes I’m a runaway. I don’t think I can get away with saying I’m a college student.

“I’m a sophomore in high school.”

“High school, huh? You play any sports?”

I shook my head.

“You a band kid?”

I shook my head again.

“Well What do you do besides school?”

“I...like working with cars.”

“Oh, really? You work on motorcycles?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.” He ribbed his scruff in contemplation,”You know, the bike on my truck has been acting up. You can look it over for me in return for the ride.”

“Sure. Yeah, okay. I can do that.” It reassures me that he isn’t doing all this for free. He expects this to be a trade off.

He smiles at me one more before taking out his phone to check something. Since I had barely anything on me, I just grabbed a straw from the holder on the table and played with the wrapping while we waited.

He puts his phone away and continues talking,”I never really liked school as a kid. I was a sports kind of guy...You got any brothers or sisters?”

I bite on my lip before replying,”One. A baby sister.”

“Ain’t that sweet?”

The waitress comes back with our meal and we begin to eat.

As we ate he told me about how he’s on a small road trip. Of how he thought of driving to Florida and maybe Canada. He got us talking to cars again and I started to have fun talking with him. That awkwardness was going away and it felt good to just talk.

No one staring, no remarks on my lack of social life, nobody calling me ‘Columbine’.

Just talking about cars and eating comfort food. Being normal.

After the therapy, support groups, and family counseling; the only person who gave me all I wanted was some random guy who picked me off the side of the road. I just want to be talked to like anyone else...Like the kid I am even. Not like someone to be wary of.

I guess it’s because he doesn’t know what I’ve done, my back story. If he knew what I ran away from I doubt he would have been as willing to pick me up.

I had started to pick at my hash browns using my fork and Negan took note of it.

“You full?”

“Yeah.” I replied.

He nodded and continued eating his own meal.

Soon enough he asked for the check and we were back out in the night. The moon completes the sky with its glow a halo around it. The cold wind creeps up the sleeves of my sweater and I shiver. We get back into the truck and drive back on the highway.

The movement of the truck and endless road start to lull me to sleep. I recognize Negan mentioning that he has to go pick something up, and I sleepily nod my head. I stifle a yawn as I wrap my arms around my middle; leaning back in my seat.

I swear I closed my eyes for just a second.


	8. Rainy Remembrances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We know we’ve arrived once the lights of police cars and ambulances are in sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CHAPTER CONTAINS REFERENCES TO SEXUAL ASSAULT**  
> I’m late! I’m very very late!! But I’m here :D School was hectic.
> 
> I don’t really know what police & Sheriffs do besides ‘beep beep’ ‘pew pew’ But hopefully my descriptions aren’t outlandish.

Rick has always been a good man. Even with all the corruption and distrust from others that comes from wearing the badge, he never let it change his character. He’s always cared for people who don’t deserve it; held all the burdens of the world on his own shoulders.

Being the one that those look towards for stability and leadership, I try not to be too personal with my colleagues; though with how much time we spend together it’s hard to avoid.

I can remember when he was the newbie and I one of his seniors. The time when the honey coated fever of his marriage rotted into a sickness. When the world started to fade to white noise. The first time his boy got shot. The day he lost his wife and will. When he rekindled his vow to protect his boy. The second time Carl faced the bullet. And just a day ago when he rushed into my room, worried about his son once more.

Each time Rick had the same look on his face. It just got worse. His hair got grayer, his wrinkles more pronounced, the bags of his eyes heavier, his eyes themselves a deeper bloodshot.

He wouldn’t have needed to say anything, just by the anxiety in his gaze I already know something happened to Carl.

We’ve all had long hours, especially recently due to the murders. Rick has always felt awful for being unable to have more time with his family, Carl especially. Not only is he a teenager, but given how danger prone Carl has been in his life it’s no wonder Rick is stressed.

From when his marriage was in shambles to now, his stress has never ceased.

I can remember the second time Carl got hurt.

It had already been a few years after Lori’s death. Rick had begun to act the same as before in the station but I’m guessing he focussed his emotions from Lori’s death towards being overprotective of Carl.

It had been a slow day at the station. Our only calls were for a gas station robbery and noise complaints.

It was the monthly catalogue and count so we all had needed to stay late sitting at our desks staring at a computer screen for hours. 

It was late into the night and I had advised those from the earlier shift who want to work later to stay the night and not risk falling asleep at the wheel.

I hear a knock at the entrance of my office. I look over my glasses at Rick who is stood there with one hand in his pocket

‘Hey, Philip, Carl offered to bring me some clean clothes and dinner, but since it started to rain I’m gonna go drive to him and pick him up if that’s alright.’

‘Of course.’ I smiled,’we don’t want the boy getting sick.’

‘Be back in a bit.’ He winked and quickly jogged to the front and got to his patrol car.

The first ten minutes passed without me knowing. When it became twenty two minutes a rookie asked where Rick was and I told her before returning to my work. At minute forty Rick’s patrol car still hadn’t pulled up and it was raining harder than ever.

A coworker came in and forgoed knocking ‘One of our guys on patrol just told me that a sheriff wearing our station number was taken in for questioning.’

‘Do you know why?’

‘I dunno. All he said was that six are injured.’

After trying to get in contact with Rick’s patrol car and receiving no response we found the location of where this event was all said to have happened.

We know we’ve arrived once the lights of police cars and ambulances are in sight.

I see Carl sitting in the back of an ambulance with a shock blanket wrapped around his shoulders. I get out the car and walk up to him. The closer I get the more I see his face. His hair is damp and frames the sides of his face. A jacket soaked and soiled lies in a pile next to him. He has smudges on his cheek and chin that I realize are blossoming bruises.

Once I’m in front of him I hold onto his shoulders and look him in the eyes,’Carl, are you okay?’

He looks up at my face before looking away and into an alley way, then to the cop cars, until settling his gaze down on his sneakers.

I look towards these places and see Rick’s patrol car parked on the curb while a man is being loaded on a gurney, and Rick leaning on the trunk of a police cruiser with his face in his bloody and torn hands. Half his sleeve torn off with gauze in place.

I’m grateful that they hadn’t cuffed and locked him in the back due to how it would have made this scenario even more of a mess for our station.

On officer approached us and cleared his throat before speaking,’Sheriff, we need to question the boy since he’s our only conscious witness. Though we do have some guys trying to acquire security footage right now.’

‘Did you already ask for parental consent?’ I questioned.

He shrugged,’We can’t get in contact with them since the boy won’t speak.’

I looked back at Carl,’Do you want me to call Daryl?’

He glanced up at me, tugging at his fingers while he nodded yes.

After calling Daryl and telling him how to get to us I hang up and ask Carl if it’s okay to ask him what happened.

‘O-okay. Ummm....’

‘So you were walking to the station to bring Rick clothes, right?’

Carl nodded.

‘When it started raining Rick drove to you. Where were you before he came.’

He warily glanced at the alley way.

‘Why were you there?’

‘...I-Can we...Can we wait for Daryl?’

‘Of course we can. You stay right here okay? Daryl is really close by so he’ll be here soon.’

After I got a nod from Carl I walked up to Rick.

‘Rick’ he looked up,’was it self defense?’

‘I-I don’t know. I just-they were all on him I-‘ he started shaking with fear, anger, exhaustion, I didn’t know.

I stood with Rick side by side and waited.

Daryl arrived and when he spotted Rick and me I pointed him to Carl in the ambulance. Once he probably confirmed with the paramedic that he was in loco parentis he sat down with Carl and listened to him.

When he finally walked to us he held a lit cigarette in the shaking fingers of one hand. His other hand was curled in a fist.

‘Did he tell you what happened?’ I asked.

Daryl nodded,’It was self-defense. Whatever the fuck Rick did, it was self-defense.’

I walked to Carl to let Rick and Daryl stand with each other. Sitting back down with him he started to talk.

‘I was walking. Then it started sprinkling so I walked a little faster...when it started really raining I was trying to figure out if I should continue walking or go in a store. Then they grabbed me.’

‘Who grabbed you?’ I asked.

‘These guys. Four of them all older than me...they cornered me and dragged me in the alley.’ He pulls the blanket tighter around himself,’before I could do anything one punched me. Then another, then another...I was on the floor then they pulled me up. They were touching me-,’ he looked down,’saying things then he pulled my...my pants off. That’s when Dad came.’ He let out a long breath.

‘You need a minute?’

‘No, no. Uh, Dad tackled the guy that was...and one of them pulled a knife. I’m guessing someone heard the fight and called police.’

‘Thank you for letting me know, Carl.’

He nodded and fidgeted with his blanket.

‘Would you be alright with telling the officers that responded to the call what happened?’

‘..Can Daryl stay?’

‘Of course. I’ll get him right now.’

After switching places with Daryl, Carl gave his statement to the officers and the officers acquired the security footage. We journeyed to their station and all accounts were officially written and filed. Rick had to have a court hearing though the men were found to have been related to a gang and human trafficking rings, which swayed the jury even more.

Carl was then put in therapy and a support group.

This event showed me how although the strife of life has hurt Rick he still has the drive, the strength, the will to protect his family and that is why I have so much respect for him and support him and his family as much as I can.

So when Rick walked into my office again, after all the years I have known them and seen them go through, after what had happened at Carl’s school I prayed that it wasn’t worse than it all.

‘Carl...’ Rick started. Tugging at his hair and licking his lips,’is a run away.’


	9. Too Much Too Little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘That son of a bitch broke into my house again-‘

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHILD EXPLOITATION/TRAFFICKING MENTIONED
> 
> It’s almost summer for me but I still need to work hard. I’m beginning to find more time to work on this though!

A landline ringing insistently. Fingers tapping keyboards in nonchalance or clacking away urgently. The bubble of the water cooler and the crinkle of a paper cup. Laughter from the rookies band together in the break room.

All of these sounds were no match for the deafening thrum of Philips’s pulse in his ears.

And the tension in the air could not be broken by any of these sounds.

Philip glances out his office over Rick’s shoulder and into the main room,”Shut the door.” He tells Rick before pushing his keyboard away and looking right at him. Once the door is closed he asks,”You know for sure?”

“All the signs are there.” Rick replies his shoulders sinking deeper with the admitting of the fact,”He had packed a bag and left in the night presumably.”

“If it is a typical runaway case he could be at a friend’s house.” Philip suggested.

“If Carl had gone to someone it would have been a family friend like Maggie and Glenn, Daryl, or Michonne. And they all would have told me Carl was with them. He could really be anywhere.” Rick pulls out a phone from his front shirt pocket that has a colorful Pokémon case,”He left his phone so we can’t track him.”

Philip had taken a pen in his hand and was twirling it in thought,”Did he leave anything else?”

Rick reached into his back pocket and handed a slightly crumpled paper to Philip.

Philip unfolded it and after reading the short message he handed it back to Rick.

“He’s been gone a day at least.” Rick says.

Philip looks at Rick with a hard stare,”Stop blaming yourself.”

Rick’s eyebrows furrowed,”But I haven’t even-“

“I know you. I’ve know how you get when it comes to Carl. He could stub his toe and you’d blame yourself...I could never understand the stress you’ve gone through as a parent but I do know that you blame yourself too much. You’re not alone in this. We all want Carl back home.”

“...Thank you, Phil”

“You’re welcome.”,Philip leans back in his seat,”We could file Carl as missing but he’ll get labeled as an unruly child under the runaway law.”

Rick puts his hands on his hips and bites his lip,”Having guy’s searching for him would be helpful but I don’t want him to think that I want him punished for being scared-or uncomfortable.” Rick crosses his arm,”His feelings are valid, whatever they are but...the chances of him getting picked up and pimped out are too high.”

They already know what could happen to a runaway. Scenes of kids’ working a corner or dead in a gutter flitter through both of their minds.

“He could be hitchhiking.” Philip suggested.

Rick rolls that though in his mind before quickly pulling out his own phone and dialing.

‘What?’ Daryl answers.

“Hey, uh would you happen to have seen Jesus around?”

‘Have I seen him? That son of a bitch broke into my house again-GET YOUR FEET OFF THE DAMN TABLE!’

Rick hears Paul chuckling and saying ‘Sorry! Sorry.’ In the background.

‘Why are ya askin’?’ Daryl questions.

“Could-could you pass him the phone?”

Daryl grunts and there’s a loud thud while Jesus yelps in pain. There’s muffled shuffling as the phone switches hands.

‘Hello?’ Paul answers.

“Hey it’s Rick. I wanted to ask you something real quick if that’s alright.”

‘Yeah sure.’

“...has Carl ever mentioned or talked to you about hitchhiking.”

‘Once or twice maybe.’

“What have you told him when he asked you?”

‘I’ve tried persuading him not to try it. I could never tell him to hitchhike like I do, I know how dangerous it is.’

“Okay, Jesus. Thank you for letting me know.”

‘Yeah, Rick. No problem.’

“Try not to break and enter anymore.” Rick tries to break the unease with a joke and a weak chuckle.

‘Y-yeah.’

“See you later.”

‘Later.’

Rick hangs up.

——

At Daryl’s apartment Paul passes the phone back with a worried look on his face.

“What he say?” Daryl asks.

“He uh- he asked if Carl has ever talked to me about hitchhiking...”

Daryl’s eyes widened.

“You don’t think-“ Paul’s words are cut off with Daryl’s abrupt walk out the living room,”Daryl!”

The front door slams open.

——

“He could have stayed in town.” Philip mentions,”but...”

“Yeah, it’s more likely he left with how much time has passed.” Rick looks down at his phone and flips through his contacts. He click on one, tapping his fingers anxiously on the the chair he’s standing behind.

‘Hello?’

“Hershel, um something has happened with Carl again.”

‘Is the boy alright?’

“He’s run away from home. I’ve been calling people trying to see if he’s gone to someone.”

‘Carl isn’t here but I’ll keep an eye out.’

“Alright. Thank you, Hershel.”

‘Don’t worry yourself too much, Rick.’

“I’ll try.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Rick let out a long sigh and rubbed his face.

“You can clock out early,” Philip offered.

“No I-“

“Rick.” Philip cut him off and stood, walking around his desk to stand in front of him and place a hand on his shoulder,”You won’t be able to focus. Take a few days at least.”

Rick stays silent, gripping the back of the guest chair.

“Use today to drive around and look. Who knows. He might be closer than you think...You’re gonna clock out, okay.”

Rick nods stiffly and walks to the door.

He doesn’t look at anyone or anything on his way to his own office. He sees his desk is the way he left it in his rush to get home. The computer light is still on, folders are open with a pen left uncapped. He starts to log off and shut down his computer and organizing and putting away the papers.

As he is cleaning up a motorcycle can be heard from outside the station.

Rick puts down what he was holding and leans on the front of his desk, facing the door to his office. He doesn’t have to wait long for Daryl to show. He had apparently let Paul tag along which surprised Rick.

“What in the hell happened?,”Daryl shouted,”And don’t you lie! I know somethin’ did!”

“Carl ran away from home.” Rick answered.

“SHIT!” Daryl yells and grabs at his hair. After pacing for a moment he speaks,”We gotta go find ‘im!”

“If he had went to someone’s house,” Rick starts,”that person would have told us. But if Carl has gone somewhere by himself he could literally be anywhere.”

“But we can’t just-just wait! He could get hurt!”

“I know.” Rick reassured him,”I’m worried too.”

Daryl gives Rick a hard stare before saying,”Well you don’t look it.”

Daryl walks out leaving Paul standing awkwardly,”I...I’ll keep an eye out for Carl, Rick.”

Rick nods,”Thank you.”

Paul gives him a nod back before walking out as well.

Rick sighs again staining down at his shoes. I’ve been told I worry too much and I worry too little...Isn’t being worried good enough? Does there have to be a quantity of it?

As he stands there contemplating a phone sounds with a notification. It’s Carl’s phone.

Rick pulls it out and glances at the screen. It’s a text from Enid asking ‘why arent u at school?’

Behind that notification Rick notices the phone background. He clears the text and sees that the picture is a selfie that Carl took of himself and Judith. His bangs cover his bandage and Judy is sat smiling in his lap. His smile reaches his eyes.

Rick turns the screen away holding a hand to his mouth to choke back a sob.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave any thoughts in the comments


End file.
